don't you know who i am?!

on the subject of "new year's resolutions": i am against them. however, ima take a few pages from the books of bucky katt and riley freeman and make a few anyway.
1) i resolve to quit hiding my feelings so much. this will help folks get an understanding of just how pissed off i am that i hafta talk to them.
2) i resolve to talk more and think less. this will align me more with the general tenor of our american society.
3) i resolve to speak my mind more when i'm angry. (this isn't that different from #2, just more specific.)
4) i resolve to let people know i'm important more often than i now do. this will help you if you don't know me.
5) i resolve to point out mistakes and explain deficiencies more. again, this will help you more than me.
6) i resolve to drive a car with chromy wheels. cos i'm awesome.
7) i resolve to kick ass and take names.
8) i resolve to get completely, belligerently shitty at least three times a week. i haven't been consuming anywhere near enough alcohol in the past 28 years and just over six months. gotta help flow the economics. one or two beers here and there jes ain't enough.
9) i resolve to have many anonymous trysts with various different cougars this winter. shouldn't be hard. ima jes slap the bar with a benjamin or two and they'll come asniffin.
10) i resolve to get post up tons of sick footy on youtube. once you see my edits, you ain't see me with THREE hubbles.
11) ima ask this one girl on a date. she's kinda cute, and she can almost keep up with me on the hill. okay, she can't really keep up, but she's nice, and she does know how to ski. i mean, if i wanneda leave her behind, i could, y'know, but i don't. i'd jes straightline a bit and she'd be gone. but i don't do that. cos i know i'm awesome. don't hafta prove myself. one look and you'll know that, too. i ain't scared. it's easy. watch this: "hey, (redacted)! we gone town tonight! get dressed! wear them jeans an them tall boots! and get some ice in that belly!" and that, my friends, will be that.