the dog is cold-nosing my elbow.

my mom called me all excited this morning cos her neighbour--we'll call her judy--had just shot an elk in the pasture. she sounded breathless and excited, saying that judy had offered the entire elk to my parents. "we hafta buy a new freezer now!!" the free elk meat wasn't her favourite part, though. "they gave us the ENITIRE liver!!!!" o. m. g. i hadda change my oil today, so i was over there and had dinner (no liver for me) and she and my father bantered back and forth about how "smooth" and "tender" the liver was. "it doesn't taste nearly as strong as a bouef liver!" sounded like my alcoholic boss at baker telling me that johnny walker red was "real smooth; good 'sippin' whiskey." (i hate whiskey more than almost anything.) at one point, my father exclaimed that it was the "best liver ever!!" which i liken to "being in the best automobile accident ever" or "going on the best 'worst date' ever". i'd rather be alone.
after work last night, i had some beers and dinner with my coworkers and my boss at the bullwheel and we chatted about relationships. my "outside coworker" is in a rough patch with her "other" and we were letting her talk it out. somehow my and my boss' "love" lives came up. my boss has been mostly single for the past two years and i have been completely single since, um, john lennon was shot. anyway, my "outside coworker" said the new bartender would be good for our boss, then corrected herself saying he "needs a girl who shaves her legs and stuff." (meaning a "nice, clean, traditional woman".) then she looked to me and said, with no irony evident, "actually, she'd be perfect for you!" snort. thanks, bud! i hope she meant i'm not hung up on stuff like that, cos i like to think i'm not, but it kinda felt like one of those "take what you can get" moments. oh well. i once tried to date a woman who could have killed me with a single punch. when she gave me a "practice massage" it felt like getting "practice rocks" thrown at my kidneys and scapulae from, oh, 7.5 inches away.