i already know how the union shapes up today: a terrible economy, though falsely bubbling of late due to all the "stimulus packages" (really? no better term than that, guys? sounds like a sex toy.); an utterly polarised constituency; two wars (that we know of) from a "presidentcy" already a year in the "revision" mirror; a bunch of states i'd rather weren't part of the union (um, california, texas and england, to name 3); a bunch of people pissed off that a UW graduate (student? applicationerperson? i don't know.) got convicted of murder in an italian court who think that cos the court wasn't american it couldn't have been correct and are calling on secretary of state hillary clinton to "do some shit" even though she has 4 or 5 terms worth of diplomatic ass-kicking to do to make up for bush II's bullshit; thousands of crumbling ecosystems; outdated infrastructures, massive overpopulation and a health care system that reserves almost all care for the "best" of us.
it's not all bad news, though: "idol" is back, with a vengeance--tons of "guest judges", scads of talent, all that; leno is gonna be back on "late night" where he belongs and we no longer have to watch someone like conan, who is actually funny; NBC gave conan a "fair" severance package of 33 fkn million to make this happen; the colts are in the superbowl, which means we'll be treated to lots of one-way refereeing and hours of pundit-gushing about peyton manning, who i just found out is actually a top-tier quarterback and not just that funny guy who looks like he's crushing on justin timberlake on all the commercials; NCIS is now a "franchise" like CSI, adding a new series, NCIS los angeles, starring the always hip chris o'donnell and the ever cool ll cool j; there is a lot of legislation in "various different" legislative bodies over "texting while driving", which is quite similar to the furor over "gay marriage" just before bush II invaded iraq just to settle a score his daddy was too much of a wimp to settle back in '91--giving us something legitimately controversial if decidedly back-burner to yell and scream about instead of having to focus on all the tough and uncomfortable stuff; CEOs are keepin their cheddar flowin lovely in the face of all the gloom-and-doom naysaying directed at them; "survivor" has a righteous new season queued up, bringin back some "fave's" and some "bad guy's" to see who's really "boss"; according to the banner on the wall of the puyallup library, "pierce county reads", which is pretty awesome considering it's an arbitrarily boundaried land mass that bears no similarity to anything with any sort of conciousness, unless you believe coral reefs have simian-like conciousness, which i definitely do not.
in other news, my check engine light has been on since 3 march last year. i remember the date cos i was on my way back to the hill from seattle, where i stayed at a friend's house on her couch when i really wanted to sleep in her bed cos she gets all cuddly and warm when i do that (well, she did the one time i did that) and i'm demonstrably low on any a that cuddly bidness.
in other other news, it was sunny this morning, but it din't last. i blame joe biden III.
in other other other news, i'm hungry and thirsty and i need new goggles. not the beer kind.
peace.
27 January 2010
19 January 2010
ad companies would do well to hire me.
as a righteously shrewd observer of modern pop culture, i've noticed a trend, what i think ad companies and marketing departments may possibly refer to as "anticipating the season", or what i'll refer to as "not being able to read a damn calendar".
since the "valentine's seasonway" is upon us, i've been thinking about romance. while i've no lasting direct experience with this phenomenon, i have noticed some things. people talk about this "hooking up" stuff as if it happens as easy as clipping ones fingernails. my junior coworker has a few of these situations in his wake, one i refer to as "number 3"; one i refer to with a simple snort of the nose. i know there are others, but they've wandered off to other situations and are more in the "out of sight, out of mind" zone. one night recently we were drinking at the snelk and i stole some nachos and he told me i should "hook up" with the girl from whom i did steal said nachos. "she was making eyes with the velvet cowboy, or didn't you notice?" i obviously didn't. i don't seem to attract "eyemaking" any more than i attract "rabid beavers". i do seem to attract anger, sneers, disappointment, disdain, disinterest, thank yous "for letting me bitch"--often about other dudes--that sort of thing.
folks often also refer to "dating" or "asking her out" as though they are simple and easy to accomplish "universals", but i don't honestly know what either of those terms mean. it seems that "dating" would refer to a relationship where two characters go on more than one or two dates, but all the times i've tried to clarify the situation with friends, i get some vague answers. "chemistry" is thrown around with some weight, but when i ask what it means, i get another vague answer. "when it feels right." "when you want to jump your date's bones." i don't know what wanting to jump over a long dead friend's decomposed body has to do with anything. and "when it feels right"? every time something has "felt right" to me i have attracted the above-mentioned anger, sneers, disappointment, disdain and disinterest.
maybe i should just attach my own meaning to "chemistry" for now and stop thinking so hard. when i was a sophomore i had a chemistry lab partner for first semester who was completely satisfied with whatever grade i earned for us. she would be physically present but otherwise utterly absent. maybe i should start chasing down "romantic situations" where i despise the woman in question. that'd square with my experience in "chemistry".
as far as "dates" are concerned, i've also had some "mixed" (marketing speak for "shitty") results. i've been told that "skiing is not a date", and if you go by the end result, that's most certainly the case. but by the same description, the other dates i've been on could also be described as "not 'date' dates": the "take the noticeably uninterested girl to see 'les misèrables' on the night of your best friend's 20th birthday in the hope that she sees your 'sensitive side'" date, the "death cab for cutie" date (same reason), the "hiking date", the "riding date", the "titanic the movie date", the "drive around whatcom and skagit counties aimlessly" date, the "clayton beach date" (twice, two different women), the "go see the best performance of 'carmina burana' you've ever seen--which you've seen five different times--and hide the fact that from 'stetit puella' on you're bawling and when you ask her what she thought about the performance she says 'eh, it was okay. . .i'm hungry" date, the "movie date", the "seattle for the sake of seattle" date, the awkward "sell some cds and go back to her parents' house and watch a movie and be too scared too take off your shoes or sit anywhere near her" date, the "get your friends to help you push-start your car that has a malfunctioning starter and hold hands somewhat secretly and awkwardly on the way down from greenwater" date, the "go see theatre sports at the market and hold hands (also somewhat secretly and awkwardly) on the way back to your friend's mom's minivan" date. then again, if you apply one definition--it's not a "date" unless you agree in so many words that it is a "date"--of date (given me by one of the women in a few of the above "not 'date' dates"), then i've not been on a "date" since i was sixteen. (the "titanic the movie" date.) twelve full years, now. when i read it that way, vague or not, it's a bit daunting, even though my name is finnish for awesome.
an aside (i'm feeling a bit loquacious today.): the chronology--each number represents a completely different day--for the "death cab for cutie" date: 1) ask her if she's got a ticket for the show. 2) while carrying a massive bag of dripping garbage to the back of the safeway, ask if she wants to see the show. 3) tell her you have an extra ticket for the show. 4) ask her if she wants said ticket. 5) ask her for a ride to the show. 6) nervously wait outside the safeway for her to get off work. shut off entirely when she says the dreaded phrase "i hate snow".
and i have no idea what "going outside" has to do with "romance", but apparently walking through doors is pretty damn awesome.
carry on!
since the "valentine's seasonway" is upon us, i've been thinking about romance. while i've no lasting direct experience with this phenomenon, i have noticed some things. people talk about this "hooking up" stuff as if it happens as easy as clipping ones fingernails. my junior coworker has a few of these situations in his wake, one i refer to as "number 3"; one i refer to with a simple snort of the nose. i know there are others, but they've wandered off to other situations and are more in the "out of sight, out of mind" zone. one night recently we were drinking at the snelk and i stole some nachos and he told me i should "hook up" with the girl from whom i did steal said nachos. "she was making eyes with the velvet cowboy, or didn't you notice?" i obviously didn't. i don't seem to attract "eyemaking" any more than i attract "rabid beavers". i do seem to attract anger, sneers, disappointment, disdain, disinterest, thank yous "for letting me bitch"--often about other dudes--that sort of thing.
folks often also refer to "dating" or "asking her out" as though they are simple and easy to accomplish "universals", but i don't honestly know what either of those terms mean. it seems that "dating" would refer to a relationship where two characters go on more than one or two dates, but all the times i've tried to clarify the situation with friends, i get some vague answers. "chemistry" is thrown around with some weight, but when i ask what it means, i get another vague answer. "when it feels right." "when you want to jump your date's bones." i don't know what wanting to jump over a long dead friend's decomposed body has to do with anything. and "when it feels right"? every time something has "felt right" to me i have attracted the above-mentioned anger, sneers, disappointment, disdain and disinterest.
maybe i should just attach my own meaning to "chemistry" for now and stop thinking so hard. when i was a sophomore i had a chemistry lab partner for first semester who was completely satisfied with whatever grade i earned for us. she would be physically present but otherwise utterly absent. maybe i should start chasing down "romantic situations" where i despise the woman in question. that'd square with my experience in "chemistry".
as far as "dates" are concerned, i've also had some "mixed" (marketing speak for "shitty") results. i've been told that "skiing is not a date", and if you go by the end result, that's most certainly the case. but by the same description, the other dates i've been on could also be described as "not 'date' dates": the "take the noticeably uninterested girl to see 'les misèrables' on the night of your best friend's 20th birthday in the hope that she sees your 'sensitive side'" date, the "death cab for cutie" date (same reason), the "hiking date", the "riding date", the "titanic the movie date", the "drive around whatcom and skagit counties aimlessly" date, the "clayton beach date" (twice, two different women), the "go see the best performance of 'carmina burana' you've ever seen--which you've seen five different times--and hide the fact that from 'stetit puella' on you're bawling and when you ask her what she thought about the performance she says 'eh, it was okay. . .i'm hungry" date, the "movie date", the "seattle for the sake of seattle" date, the awkward "sell some cds and go back to her parents' house and watch a movie and be too scared too take off your shoes or sit anywhere near her" date, the "get your friends to help you push-start your car that has a malfunctioning starter and hold hands somewhat secretly and awkwardly on the way down from greenwater" date, the "go see theatre sports at the market and hold hands (also somewhat secretly and awkwardly) on the way back to your friend's mom's minivan" date. then again, if you apply one definition--it's not a "date" unless you agree in so many words that it is a "date"--of date (given me by one of the women in a few of the above "not 'date' dates"), then i've not been on a "date" since i was sixteen. (the "titanic the movie" date.) twelve full years, now. when i read it that way, vague or not, it's a bit daunting, even though my name is finnish for awesome.
an aside (i'm feeling a bit loquacious today.): the chronology--each number represents a completely different day--for the "death cab for cutie" date: 1) ask her if she's got a ticket for the show. 2) while carrying a massive bag of dripping garbage to the back of the safeway, ask if she wants to see the show. 3) tell her you have an extra ticket for the show. 4) ask her if she wants said ticket. 5) ask her for a ride to the show. 6) nervously wait outside the safeway for her to get off work. shut off entirely when she says the dreaded phrase "i hate snow".
and i have no idea what "going outside" has to do with "romance", but apparently walking through doors is pretty damn awesome.
carry on!
13 January 2010
blogger's "spellcheck" function doesn't know how to pluralise "millennium".
aside from allowing myself to be offended by a comment from a friend that was meant in a harmless boosteristic fashion more than anything else that i took instead to be a comment on the political landscape of this entire state and my own diminished place in it, nothing happened today. i'll get around to apologising to her for my anger, i think, but it may take me a while to "simmer down".
with that, ima make some shit up. and ima bullet-point it. snocka!
.if you wish to move to seattle, you must pass a test. i snuck in last summer by not changing my voter registration, but i think they're onto me. this summer, ima move to the coastal town of bangladesh, greenland.
."snow" is formed exclusively on evaporated salt crystals. that's why the wasatch range gets more snow than similar ranges to the north and south.
."baseball" was invented by norwegians vacationing in the south of france.
."floods" are really just gobs of kangaroo spit.
."telephones" are not communication devices; they are another way for the illuminati to spy on us.
."diamonds" are not actually heavily compressed carbon, but rather alien jet fuel that was dumped here many millennia ago and buried by the fickle wind.
."jets" fly due to "linguini's 'principal'": that awesomeness has negative gravity. that explains why i can fly as well.
.my "dad" was a supersecretspyerguy who trained the likes of james bond and maxwell smart.
."james bond" was NOT a figment of ian fleming's imagination. i have pictures of him having beers with my "dad".
."women's purses" are actually made to carry hidden portions of focused, amorphous "male kryptonite".
."bald dudes" have low- to midlevel superpowers such as the fabled "1-inch punch" and "MRI vision".
."librarians" all have ESP.
."rain" adds 10% to the average adult's IQ.
."internal 'combustions' engines" are driven by elf sneezes.
."bicycles" stay upright due to their innate ability to assume the riders' willpower and desire.
."'nuculer' reactions" are caused by "elven flatulence".
.the "english language" was created by a man named "bill" in the 3rd century BC and hidden from human sight until william the conqueror fell in love with his second cousin, "genevieve", in 1055AD. it predates such things as "eating" and "drinking".
anyway, to quote george carlin, "these are the thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools."
with that, ima make some shit up. and ima bullet-point it. snocka!
.if you wish to move to seattle, you must pass a test. i snuck in last summer by not changing my voter registration, but i think they're onto me. this summer, ima move to the coastal town of bangladesh, greenland.
."snow" is formed exclusively on evaporated salt crystals. that's why the wasatch range gets more snow than similar ranges to the north and south.
."baseball" was invented by norwegians vacationing in the south of france.
."floods" are really just gobs of kangaroo spit.
."telephones" are not communication devices; they are another way for the illuminati to spy on us.
."diamonds" are not actually heavily compressed carbon, but rather alien jet fuel that was dumped here many millennia ago and buried by the fickle wind.
."jets" fly due to "linguini's 'principal'": that awesomeness has negative gravity. that explains why i can fly as well.
.my "dad" was a supersecretspyerguy who trained the likes of james bond and maxwell smart.
."james bond" was NOT a figment of ian fleming's imagination. i have pictures of him having beers with my "dad".
."women's purses" are actually made to carry hidden portions of focused, amorphous "male kryptonite".
."bald dudes" have low- to midlevel superpowers such as the fabled "1-inch punch" and "MRI vision".
."librarians" all have ESP.
."rain" adds 10% to the average adult's IQ.
."internal 'combustions' engines" are driven by elf sneezes.
."bicycles" stay upright due to their innate ability to assume the riders' willpower and desire.
."'nuculer' reactions" are caused by "elven flatulence".
.the "english language" was created by a man named "bill" in the 3rd century BC and hidden from human sight until william the conqueror fell in love with his second cousin, "genevieve", in 1055AD. it predates such things as "eating" and "drinking".
anyway, to quote george carlin, "these are the thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools."
11 January 2010
the fbc weather blog.
i've been a bit crotchety of late regarding the forecasting of weather in western washington. the tv news weatherforecasterpersons have been decidedly doom-and-gloom and the *ahem* drier avalanche center and noaa forecasts have been decidedly, well, undecided. last saturday was forecast to be wet and not all that awesome, yet turned out to be sunny and real damn warm. like 67 degrees in enumclaw, which is precisely somewhere around 22 degrees above normalish temps. i was worried a bit about sweating through all my one layer. sunday (yesterday? it's so hard to keep these things straight.) was forecast to be warm and breezy and sunny but turned out cool and overcastlike. today was again sposeta be completely icky with an inch of water falling during the day, and yet most of the day was dry.
in the spirit of all this, i am offering my own mountain forecast, liberally formed from nwac.us:
saturday, 9 january: warm and awesome. go skiing. no, wait. . .think about going skiing, but stay home and mow the lawn. i don't want to share the lifts with you.
sunday, 10 january: overcast, with periods of overcast and ominous clouds that amount to nothing. fun skiing between 12.39 and 2.14 pm.
monday, 11 january: pissing rain for a while, then stopping entirely for no reason at all, with extended periods of ominous overcast.
(for those of you who don't read nwac.us at night, you may not get the joke.)
tuesday, 12 january: there will be blobs of moisture coming off the ocean. it may fall on you. actually, it will fall on you. no, wait. it won't. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. i don't really know. actually, don't get out of bed. it'll be better that way.
wednesday, 13 january: it may cool down. i don't know, really, but i want to get your hopes up cos dashing high hopes will be more fun for me than dashing more tempered hopes. check back tomorrow and i may have changed my mind.
water content for the period ending at 4AM of the day listed (cos i'd rather confuse you than help you):
ski area/tuesday/wednesday
mt baker/lots./probly more than that.
washington pass/i don't know why i care cos it's closed for the winter.
stevens pass/really? i don't even believe in stevens pass.
snoqualmie pass/pissing./still pissing.
crystal mtn/.10-1"/.10-2" or not.
white pass/don't care. seattle folk couldn't find it with a GPS.
paradise/8-10"/10-22"
mt st helens/okay. now i'm just listing mountains.
anyway, hope this clears things up.
in the spirit of all this, i am offering my own mountain forecast, liberally formed from nwac.us:
saturday, 9 january: warm and awesome. go skiing. no, wait. . .think about going skiing, but stay home and mow the lawn. i don't want to share the lifts with you.
sunday, 10 january: overcast, with periods of overcast and ominous clouds that amount to nothing. fun skiing between 12.39 and 2.14 pm.
monday, 11 january: pissing rain for a while, then stopping entirely for no reason at all, with extended periods of ominous overcast.
(for those of you who don't read nwac.us at night, you may not get the joke.)
tuesday, 12 january: there will be blobs of moisture coming off the ocean. it may fall on you. actually, it will fall on you. no, wait. it won't. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. i don't really know. actually, don't get out of bed. it'll be better that way.
wednesday, 13 january: it may cool down. i don't know, really, but i want to get your hopes up cos dashing high hopes will be more fun for me than dashing more tempered hopes. check back tomorrow and i may have changed my mind.
water content for the period ending at 4AM of the day listed (cos i'd rather confuse you than help you):
ski area/tuesday/wednesday
mt baker/lots./probly more than that.
washington pass/i don't know why i care cos it's closed for the winter.
stevens pass/really? i don't even believe in stevens pass.
snoqualmie pass/pissing./still pissing.
crystal mtn/.10-1"/.10-2" or not.
white pass/don't care. seattle folk couldn't find it with a GPS.
paradise/8-10"/10-22"
mt st helens/okay. now i'm just listing mountains.
anyway, hope this clears things up.
10 January 2010
prescience.
first, i'd like to quickly set the record straight: all them people talking in their cars on their "celly" are just that important. i guess we aughta just "deal".
finally: a story of my own:
last winter a customer brought in some righteous tele boards i was envying all over the place and wanted to borrow, but we never worked out the logistics. this very recent christmas era, he brought said righteous tele boards in to fix a bushing issue (i'll skip the technical description except to say it's plastic and therefore prone to wear.) and i told him it'd be free of charge if he let me ski them a little. he agreed, and we set about with our fix. after a bit of consternation and grinding and a judicious application of two 3 mm wide strips of duct tape (duh.), we were set, and i got to ski said righteous tele boards. i could have left it at that, but i wanted the customer to have the actual bushings from salomon, the manufacture of said righteous boards. after forgetting to call them for two weeks, i finally remembered the monday after christmas. the warranty dude i spoke with said the parts weren't under warranty any longer--no surprise; the skis are five seasons old and i agreed with him--but he could get me the parts for around $14 after shipping. i thought, "bargain!" cos i'da retailed our fix for $20 per ski. one week later, a package arrived from salomon and "lo and behold", pins! now, for those who are unfamiliar with such "tecky" terms as "bushing" and "pin", this is akin to requesting a razor for your empty box knife and getting instead another empty box knife and no razor. upon digesting the disappointment, i dialed up our friendly salomon warranty department and spoke with the gentleman who answered the phone. i stated my case and he answered, "huh?", which got my blood moving a bit quicker, cos i hate when i tell a story to someone who's being paid to listen and he doesn't actually listen. i stated it again and he said, "which ski?" i told him which ski and he asked, "which part?" i told him "bushing" and he said, "how bout you look in the catalogue on page 67." i told him i don't have a catalogue (which was an unintentional falsehood as i found out later) and that he should be able to tell the difference between a bushing and a pin--there may have been six or ten "f-bommz" in there--which as a warranty dude at an international ski company, he damn well should. he said, "i need you to cooperate with me a bit more." i said, "i need you to do your fkn job!" and hung up on him and told my coworker that we'd just fabricate em ourselves from now on. (see where i saw the future? only but a day later!) the warranty dude then called back (cursèd star 69) and asked for the "manager". the "manager" then told me to apologise to the warranty dude, which as you may know is REALLY painful when your only fault is anger and the warranty dude's was manyfold (as opposed to manifold) and far greater and possibly quite detrimental to a mechanic/client relationship. the capper? salomon doesn't even manufacture the bushing i was looking for aftermarket. the first warranty dude i spoke with should have known his bidness and done tole me!! the other capper? (like the stacked standing lenticulars on rainier at or near the end of a high pressure system's tenure.) i hadda call them back the immediate next day to ask for a different part and speak with the same character out whom i did cuss. and to top that off, (much like the high clouds that rest just above the stacked standing lenticulars) the owner of the second pair of skis for whom i was getting the other parts the following day mistook wax dust for ski destruction (an easy thing, i know) and demanded of the "manager" an entire new set of skis, causing in turn a fit of near apoplexia in the "manager" cos as you know, dust washes off. it ruins not the surface upon which it rests. the manager went from 0 to 60 in, oh, i don't know, 1.56 seconds. nearly touching off an interdepartment death match. which ida done kicked fkn ass at. ach. "getting sicker", indeed.
finally: a story of my own:
last winter a customer brought in some righteous tele boards i was envying all over the place and wanted to borrow, but we never worked out the logistics. this very recent christmas era, he brought said righteous tele boards in to fix a bushing issue (i'll skip the technical description except to say it's plastic and therefore prone to wear.) and i told him it'd be free of charge if he let me ski them a little. he agreed, and we set about with our fix. after a bit of consternation and grinding and a judicious application of two 3 mm wide strips of duct tape (duh.), we were set, and i got to ski said righteous tele boards. i could have left it at that, but i wanted the customer to have the actual bushings from salomon, the manufacture of said righteous boards. after forgetting to call them for two weeks, i finally remembered the monday after christmas. the warranty dude i spoke with said the parts weren't under warranty any longer--no surprise; the skis are five seasons old and i agreed with him--but he could get me the parts for around $14 after shipping. i thought, "bargain!" cos i'da retailed our fix for $20 per ski. one week later, a package arrived from salomon and "lo and behold", pins! now, for those who are unfamiliar with such "tecky" terms as "bushing" and "pin", this is akin to requesting a razor for your empty box knife and getting instead another empty box knife and no razor. upon digesting the disappointment, i dialed up our friendly salomon warranty department and spoke with the gentleman who answered the phone. i stated my case and he answered, "huh?", which got my blood moving a bit quicker, cos i hate when i tell a story to someone who's being paid to listen and he doesn't actually listen. i stated it again and he said, "which ski?" i told him which ski and he asked, "which part?" i told him "bushing" and he said, "how bout you look in the catalogue on page 67." i told him i don't have a catalogue (which was an unintentional falsehood as i found out later) and that he should be able to tell the difference between a bushing and a pin--there may have been six or ten "f-bommz" in there--which as a warranty dude at an international ski company, he damn well should. he said, "i need you to cooperate with me a bit more." i said, "i need you to do your fkn job!" and hung up on him and told my coworker that we'd just fabricate em ourselves from now on. (see where i saw the future? only but a day later!) the warranty dude then called back (cursèd star 69) and asked for the "manager". the "manager" then told me to apologise to the warranty dude, which as you may know is REALLY painful when your only fault is anger and the warranty dude's was manyfold (as opposed to manifold) and far greater and possibly quite detrimental to a mechanic/client relationship. the capper? salomon doesn't even manufacture the bushing i was looking for aftermarket. the first warranty dude i spoke with should have known his bidness and done tole me!! the other capper? (like the stacked standing lenticulars on rainier at or near the end of a high pressure system's tenure.) i hadda call them back the immediate next day to ask for a different part and speak with the same character out whom i did cuss. and to top that off, (much like the high clouds that rest just above the stacked standing lenticulars) the owner of the second pair of skis for whom i was getting the other parts the following day mistook wax dust for ski destruction (an easy thing, i know) and demanded of the "manager" an entire new set of skis, causing in turn a fit of near apoplexia in the "manager" cos as you know, dust washes off. it ruins not the surface upon which it rests. the manager went from 0 to 60 in, oh, i don't know, 1.56 seconds. nearly touching off an interdepartment death match. which ida done kicked fkn ass at. ach. "getting sicker", indeed.
All that urgency puzzles me
Those cell phone calls made by folks grocery shopping, walking down the footpath, driving the by-ways, even (probably) taking showers. WHAT is so important that it must be communicated NOW?
I'd have to fabricate some luscious lies which I'd then be unable to deliver with a straight face. I just don't know that much STUFF. And I know no one who would be interested. Oh, my cell-phone --fahgeddabowdit -- it's in the car, and if I HAVE to use it, I need to get out the manual to re-learn how to make a call. I don't even know how to answer it. Am I outta the loop or what?
Perhaps I'm just not much of a conversationalist, although I talk a lot! How's that for a conundrum. (right word?) I have a good friend I dearly love, and yet I dread phoning him, for he (and his family) make 45 minute phone calls, at a MINIMUM! When I say "someone's at my door" after 10 minutes, I think they're catching on to my prevarication.
Is this what it's like to REALLY be a hermit?
I'd have to fabricate some luscious lies which I'd then be unable to deliver with a straight face. I just don't know that much STUFF. And I know no one who would be interested. Oh, my cell-phone --fahgeddabowdit -- it's in the car, and if I HAVE to use it, I need to get out the manual to re-learn how to make a call. I don't even know how to answer it. Am I outta the loop or what?
Perhaps I'm just not much of a conversationalist, although I talk a lot! How's that for a conundrum. (right word?) I have a good friend I dearly love, and yet I dread phoning him, for he (and his family) make 45 minute phone calls, at a MINIMUM! When I say "someone's at my door" after 10 minutes, I think they're catching on to my prevarication.
Is this what it's like to REALLY be a hermit?
08 January 2010
I know what I know, if you know what I mean.....
And it's a whole mess less than I need to know with this new-fangled computer that I now have to work with. I hadn't mastered the 11 year old one it replaces, and learning even some of it's potential will effectively double the length of my to-do list.
Trouble is, I have this unfortunate concept of myself as being challenged technically. And what do my sons install on my car for Christmas? A remote starter! (Another "owner's manual".) Now I have to deal with two remotes on my key-chain, remember to start it BEFORE I put my coat on to go somewhere, and quiet my conservative conscience that says "it's wasting gas, and if you always turn right and uphill from home, it's all warmed up nicely in 3.79 minutes." I dearly love the dudes for gifting me thus, but it's one more manual to read and understand.
The computer doesn't come with much of a manual, and come to think of it, I tossed it in the big packing box which is now hanging out in the shed with my tires. Better retrieve it so it can taunt me from my reading pile.
Ran across some old photos of Maui recently, and sighed.....
Trouble is, I have this unfortunate concept of myself as being challenged technically. And what do my sons install on my car for Christmas? A remote starter! (Another "owner's manual".) Now I have to deal with two remotes on my key-chain, remember to start it BEFORE I put my coat on to go somewhere, and quiet my conservative conscience that says "it's wasting gas, and if you always turn right and uphill from home, it's all warmed up nicely in 3.79 minutes." I dearly love the dudes for gifting me thus, but it's one more manual to read and understand.
The computer doesn't come with much of a manual, and come to think of it, I tossed it in the big packing box which is now hanging out in the shed with my tires. Better retrieve it so it can taunt me from my reading pile.
Ran across some old photos of Maui recently, and sighed.....
07 January 2010
a story (Insight and Perspicacity)
A mom and a teenager were supposed to be working on communication issues. "What did you think of the new counsellor?" the mom said to the teenager. She thought the teenager would say that the counsellor closed his eyes and tilted his head in an ususual way while he talked. Teenagers are sometimes ruthless about noticing entertaining things about adults, for example owl or reptile like behavior. The mom could remember sitting in high school and watching tiny globs of unusually opaque spit stretch and retract at the corners of a teacher's mouth as the teacher talked about calculus, and watching the underarms of another teacher jiggle as that one wrote on a chalkboard.
"He seemed nice," the teenager said.
"Oh good," the mom said.
Even though they were supposed to be working on communication issues, she decided not to say "It doesn't bother you that he looks like Edward Scissorhands, then?"
"He seemed nice," the teenager said.
"Oh good," the mom said.
Even though they were supposed to be working on communication issues, she decided not to say "It doesn't bother you that he looks like Edward Scissorhands, then?"
05 January 2010
fresh carhartts.
apparently one shouldn't wash carhartts that fit before they stretch. this is new intelligence for me; since i don't really ever wash my carhartts, i guess i hadn't run into this issue before. i spent the whole day yesterday thinking i had to run to the restroom for one reason or another. just so you know.
second on the agenda: "getting sicker". i've learned from a couple different text conversations that i have not made clear the meaning of one of my favourite phrases. if one wishes to "get sicker", he or she must perform righteous acts of awesomeness. this entails much courage and "ballhood". insofaras one wishes to be seen as "sicker", one must undertake all efforts and abilities in the spirit of "getting sicker". a few "jiggy fresh" examples: riding a snowboard in the rain in jeans; wearing a one piece fleece camoflauge suit while skiing in 35 degree snow; riding a walmart comfort bike on STP; commuting in a tie on a murray cruiser from '91; being in one's 70s and wearing skinny jeans and them "tall boots" (known in other circles as "&^%$ me boots"); wearing fingerless gloves in a "punk" "motifway" to write in one's "blogs" at the broadview branch of the seattle library. that last is obviously specific to time and place, as halloween may render this less "sick" than in early january. anyway, you get my "drift".
third, i just ordered some sidi "logo MTB" shoes. this is important cos they are shiny black with a righteous and adequately-for-me sized "sidi" logo in bright white. should match well with my $2.99 half-off tuesday special "pink tag" goodwill "gap khakis" and my free "beecher's handmade 'chesse'" t-shirt, size "just a bit too tight and short but it's brown and the sleeves are the right length so i wear it anyway". speakin of "gettin sicker".
fourth: today is my first full day off in 28 days. did i mention just how awesome i am? cos i could give a seminar.
fifth: one of the dudes on either side of me has some wicked BO. time to head for the hills.
peace.
second on the agenda: "getting sicker". i've learned from a couple different text conversations that i have not made clear the meaning of one of my favourite phrases. if one wishes to "get sicker", he or she must perform righteous acts of awesomeness. this entails much courage and "ballhood". insofaras one wishes to be seen as "sicker", one must undertake all efforts and abilities in the spirit of "getting sicker". a few "jiggy fresh" examples: riding a snowboard in the rain in jeans; wearing a one piece fleece camoflauge suit while skiing in 35 degree snow; riding a walmart comfort bike on STP; commuting in a tie on a murray cruiser from '91; being in one's 70s and wearing skinny jeans and them "tall boots" (known in other circles as "&^%$ me boots"); wearing fingerless gloves in a "punk" "motifway" to write in one's "blogs" at the broadview branch of the seattle library. that last is obviously specific to time and place, as halloween may render this less "sick" than in early january. anyway, you get my "drift".
third, i just ordered some sidi "logo MTB" shoes. this is important cos they are shiny black with a righteous and adequately-for-me sized "sidi" logo in bright white. should match well with my $2.99 half-off tuesday special "pink tag" goodwill "gap khakis" and my free "beecher's handmade 'chesse'" t-shirt, size "just a bit too tight and short but it's brown and the sleeves are the right length so i wear it anyway". speakin of "gettin sicker".
fourth: today is my first full day off in 28 days. did i mention just how awesome i am? cos i could give a seminar.
fifth: one of the dudes on either side of me has some wicked BO. time to head for the hills.
peace.
04 January 2010
don't you know who i am?!
on the subject of "new year's resolutions": i am against them. however, ima take a few pages from the books of bucky katt and riley freeman and make a few anyway.
1) i resolve to quit hiding my feelings so much. this will help folks get an understanding of just how pissed off i am that i hafta talk to them.
2) i resolve to talk more and think less. this will align me more with the general tenor of our american society.
3) i resolve to speak my mind more when i'm angry. (this isn't that different from #2, just more specific.)
4) i resolve to let people know i'm important more often than i now do. this will help you if you don't know me.
5) i resolve to point out mistakes and explain deficiencies more. again, this will help you more than me.
6) i resolve to drive a car with chromy wheels. cos i'm awesome.
7) i resolve to kick ass and take names.
8) i resolve to get completely, belligerently shitty at least three times a week. i haven't been consuming anywhere near enough alcohol in the past 28 years and just over six months. gotta help flow the economics. one or two beers here and there jes ain't enough.
9) i resolve to have many anonymous trysts with various different cougars this winter. shouldn't be hard. ima jes slap the bar with a benjamin or two and they'll come asniffin.
10) i resolve to get post up tons of sick footy on youtube. once you see my edits, you ain't see me with THREE hubbles.
11) ima ask this one girl on a date. she's kinda cute, and she can almost keep up with me on the hill. okay, she can't really keep up, but she's nice, and she does know how to ski. i mean, if i wanneda leave her behind, i could, y'know, but i don't. i'd jes straightline a bit and she'd be gone. but i don't do that. cos i know i'm awesome. don't hafta prove myself. one look and you'll know that, too. i ain't scared. it's easy. watch this: "hey, (redacted)! we gone town tonight! get dressed! wear them jeans an them tall boots! and get some ice in that belly!" and that, my friends, will be that.
1) i resolve to quit hiding my feelings so much. this will help folks get an understanding of just how pissed off i am that i hafta talk to them.
2) i resolve to talk more and think less. this will align me more with the general tenor of our american society.
3) i resolve to speak my mind more when i'm angry. (this isn't that different from #2, just more specific.)
4) i resolve to let people know i'm important more often than i now do. this will help you if you don't know me.
5) i resolve to point out mistakes and explain deficiencies more. again, this will help you more than me.
6) i resolve to drive a car with chromy wheels. cos i'm awesome.
7) i resolve to kick ass and take names.
8) i resolve to get completely, belligerently shitty at least three times a week. i haven't been consuming anywhere near enough alcohol in the past 28 years and just over six months. gotta help flow the economics. one or two beers here and there jes ain't enough.
9) i resolve to have many anonymous trysts with various different cougars this winter. shouldn't be hard. ima jes slap the bar with a benjamin or two and they'll come asniffin.
10) i resolve to get post up tons of sick footy on youtube. once you see my edits, you ain't see me with THREE hubbles.
11) ima ask this one girl on a date. she's kinda cute, and she can almost keep up with me on the hill. okay, she can't really keep up, but she's nice, and she does know how to ski. i mean, if i wanneda leave her behind, i could, y'know, but i don't. i'd jes straightline a bit and she'd be gone. but i don't do that. cos i know i'm awesome. don't hafta prove myself. one look and you'll know that, too. i ain't scared. it's easy. watch this: "hey, (redacted)! we gone town tonight! get dressed! wear them jeans an them tall boots! and get some ice in that belly!" and that, my friends, will be that.
02 January 2010
i hesitate to use the word "irony".
i finally got an afternoon off the hill. some "breathing room", if you will. thing is, the reason i got the afternoon off is cos my boss was tired of me sniffling and looking pinched when my sneezes, frequent in approach but rare in execution, showed in my now red-from-the-upper-respiratory-bug-(URB)-i-just-contracted eyes. which means i am "aving" trouble breathing. i've been struggling to use my usual sure-to-work cure for the URB, the vaunted "ignore it till there's nothing to ignore" method, but i'm only 3 days in, and there's definitely still shit to ignore. anyway.
apparently this is the winter for what i'll call "too much damn work". i haven't had a full day off in 26 days. today's paycheck (before taxes and bills) was the biggest i've ever received, but for now it's scant consolation. i feel like i've aged an entire month since my last day off. my boss says this is a "good problem to have", along with our other christmas related "good problems to have" such as "too much beer", "too much food" and "too much money", and i'll agree with him tuesday morning when i can sleep in for the first time in a month, but today, all i got is this URB.
third, my christmas list was entirely unfulfilled. don't know why. i got carhartts, socks, long underwear and chocolate, a good showing to be sure, but no H3 or H2. not even a set of righteous 22s for my now non-existant H3. poop.
fourth: i really hate it when TV weatherpersonalities celebrate that it's too warm to snow up where we need snow for summer water. seriously. washington has one of the driest july-september seasons in the nation, and we depend almost entirely on water that falls as snow from october through july. how is it good to wash this life giver into puget sound? more importantly, HOW AM I TO SKI COMFORTABLY WHEN IT'S RAINING?????? food for thought.
speaking of food, i haven't bought groceries in two weeks. i've needed groceries for three weeks. i don't know if i've eaten a real meal outside of christmas eve and christmas day since thanksgiving. no wonder the URB has such a hold on my eyeballs. i've had a lot of chocolate and beer, though. that's something. add in some nutty cheese in there and you've got FBC's "Most Righteous Diet EVER".
lastly, i'm working on the "FBC Guide to Getting Sicker". i've already come up with a few steps, but i need all the help i can get. example: step five: walking on concrete with your rental skis still attatched to your feet; step eight: using cheap rental gear from '89 that you purchased at a swap meet in '96 and becoming irate when it shatters; step 13: having your '86 kmart special tuned up for more than it was worth new so that you can "start commuting by bicycle". you get me. anyway. ima go buy some more wool pieces. wool makes me shit my pance.
apparently this is the winter for what i'll call "too much damn work". i haven't had a full day off in 26 days. today's paycheck (before taxes and bills) was the biggest i've ever received, but for now it's scant consolation. i feel like i've aged an entire month since my last day off. my boss says this is a "good problem to have", along with our other christmas related "good problems to have" such as "too much beer", "too much food" and "too much money", and i'll agree with him tuesday morning when i can sleep in for the first time in a month, but today, all i got is this URB.
third, my christmas list was entirely unfulfilled. don't know why. i got carhartts, socks, long underwear and chocolate, a good showing to be sure, but no H3 or H2. not even a set of righteous 22s for my now non-existant H3. poop.
fourth: i really hate it when TV weatherpersonalities celebrate that it's too warm to snow up where we need snow for summer water. seriously. washington has one of the driest july-september seasons in the nation, and we depend almost entirely on water that falls as snow from october through july. how is it good to wash this life giver into puget sound? more importantly, HOW AM I TO SKI COMFORTABLY WHEN IT'S RAINING?????? food for thought.
speaking of food, i haven't bought groceries in two weeks. i've needed groceries for three weeks. i don't know if i've eaten a real meal outside of christmas eve and christmas day since thanksgiving. no wonder the URB has such a hold on my eyeballs. i've had a lot of chocolate and beer, though. that's something. add in some nutty cheese in there and you've got FBC's "Most Righteous Diet EVER".
lastly, i'm working on the "FBC Guide to Getting Sicker". i've already come up with a few steps, but i need all the help i can get. example: step five: walking on concrete with your rental skis still attatched to your feet; step eight: using cheap rental gear from '89 that you purchased at a swap meet in '96 and becoming irate when it shatters; step 13: having your '86 kmart special tuned up for more than it was worth new so that you can "start commuting by bicycle". you get me. anyway. ima go buy some more wool pieces. wool makes me shit my pance.
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