somewhere along the line i learned that the most holy domain of the political writer is to make all sorts of arcane comparisons and references to obsolete politicians. "a modern day spiro t. agnew" or "more like dino rossi than a.d. roselini." that sorta thing. anyway, i was reading the monday times at the parents' yesterday and a columnist from somewhere, philly, i think cos that's where he said he grew up, though an unfortunate number of foreigners like him end up here in seattle, though his column is syndicated, which usually if he's from seattle wouldn't happen cos no one outside of seattle gives a flying ()*&(&^)&*^(*&%(*^% what seattlites think, and he said he was stoked to see former president clinton had apologised for his economic practices during his two terms in office and had admitted to making mistakes both in policy and in taking the advice of his, um, paid advisers, some of whom now work, of all places, in the white house for president obama. the columnist went on to muse that, just maybe, clinton's apologies and admissions would lead to a renewal of good-faith negotiations on economic policy and maybe even to the fixing of problems. to which i'd add that the killing of john wilkes booth TOTALLY stopped presidential assassinations. (of course, one could argue that lee harvey oswald's death did halt presidential assassinations in the US, but unfortunately it seems like just a matter of time before some crazed palin supporter with banana clip takes after "that red n*&&^%".) maybe it's just that being back in seattle for six REEEEEEEALLY long months has got me back on the crotchety train, but i just don't have patience for all the idle discussion about "maybes" and "hopefullys". health care "reform" got passed, but in reality it is just a shell of what still needs to be done and is just another way to force us to carry insurance when just about every other first world country has socialised (not a scary word to me at all) medicine that works for everyone involved. as i read on the back of the "wally's world" pickup in enumclaw, "i'm happy to pay taxes." i don't mind covering for my neighbours when they get in a bind. i do believe that somewhere in the bible (that book thing alla them "neo cons" and "tea party activists" thump vigorously with hands, feet, and probly some unmentionables) it says to "love thy neighbour" and talks about charity and all that, but i suppose "charity" is code for "when i damn well feel like it and it makes me look good, otherwise i AIN'T GOT NONE, DO YOU HEAR ME?!!!" helping each other in an orderly, well planned fashion just doesn't jive with that. band-aids? we're all about 'em. blood drives? only when there's an earthquake! and taxed, thought out health care? that's communism!! i half expect to start hearing about a "new red scare". there was tons of propaganda about president obama's "socialist" plans and secretary clinton's "communism", so dust bowl politics may not be too far behind.
in other, less "exciting" news, being back in town has reminded me of all the "fashion" i ain't been seeing for the last six months. all the "ink" and the facial hair tattered not by the wind and sun and ice but by the rigors of standing in the beer and wine section at the ballard market choosing which belgian is intellectually more stimulating and wether that eloquent little pinot is worth a second visit. of course, when fashion is measured in millimeters of waterproofing and grams/24hours of breathability, individual "style" tends to fall away. though the past two or three winters, the trend toward steezier wardrobes in the hills has kinda mirrored the trend in town toward bewilderment; white kids at ski hills tryna look like gun runners in south central and white kids in town tryna look like an out of date fashion spread from, say, mid-1987.
i also forgot the trend here toward non functioning bikes, in contrast to the ski industry's trend toward skis that make monkeys look like mcconkeys. all the chopped riser bar, no-braked converted road bikes and "vintage" (read: torn from the dumpster) schwinn collegiates with inadequate brakes rolling around.
anyway, in about an hour and a half i'll be giving the woman next to me a really big hug when i pick her up at the airport. that'll cheer me up.
27 April 2010
24 April 2010
the science of sleep.
so, in reading the latest "nat geo" (cos i'm way too hip to call it "national geographic magazine") i stumbled across a frightening way to die: fatal familial insomnia. as someone who often sleeps far too much and never feels like he gets enough sleep, this malady sounds even more insidious than it already is. which is saying something, cos basically what happens in this rare condition--only forty families in the world are known to carry the gene that causes it--is you stop sleeping and die within a year. i cannot imagine waking up one day when i'm in my early fifties--when the disease apparently ramps up--and realising that i might never sleep again.
on that note, i'll attempt to describe my day. it was a whirlwind of activity. starting last night when i partied myself into bed at the late hour of 10.30. exhausted, i tossed and turned for at least five minutes before falling asleep. i then proceeded to sleep for 10 hours straight. upon arrival in the lower reaches of the castle i'm sitting, i took care of business, fed the dog, walked the dog--ah, such fury!--and set about figuring the day. after some consternation about how to establish a beachhead at the buffet, to quote richard russo, i decided upon a nice coffee shop in the "quaint little city" of buckley. (quoting here a letter writer in the enumclaw courier-herald some years back.) the owner brewed up a piquant little decaf raspberry mocha for me and toasted a rambunctious bagel and i set about reading the latest episode of "mountain bike magazine: a supplement to rodale, inc.". it was truly epic.
i exited the shop after slaking my needs and headed for the auto parts mart. in enumclaw, there are two choices: the semi-local franchise of the napa auto parts chain and the utterly corporate "shuck's". being of sound mind and body, i chose the more "local" of the two. i purchased five quarts of 5w-30 at $4.09 (!) a quart and a #1334 oil filter for around 10 bucks and was on my way. at my parents' house i hoisted the hood of the subie and proceeded to change my oil. it's a sometimes dirty task, but satisfying. i also added some "rain-x" washer fluid to my reservoir and slammed the hood on a satisfying morning. for lunch i consumed some ambitious "teriyaki" beef jerky from the local meat shop, which in coincidence only is owned by a neighbour of my parents who also used to supply sodas to the gas station where i once penned my early epics. i then spent a contemplative hour at the local fort of the "les schwab" empire while my brakes were checked (a-ok!) and my winter tires were swapped for summer tires.
while waiting for the gentlemen to perform their sacred car-type duties, i perused the newspaper, a rare pleasure, and learned of taylor mays' disenlightenment with the pete carroll dynasty. mr mays was disappointed that coach carroll had not adequately prepared him for the NFL draft of this weekend; he was taken in the high forties instead of the first two decades of the draft as he had hoped and as coach carroll had assured him he would be taken. the seachickens had apparently drafted at the #14 spot a safety (mr mays' position, natch) from, get this, the university of texas! the horror! now, instead of returning home to roost in glory in his hometown, mr mays must instead prospect for fool's gold in the land of ronnie lott and rice-a-roni. the shame! i also read of danielle lawrie's continued domination of all college sports. i swelled with the pride of knowing that somewhere in montlake, some canadièn is changing the world, one strikeout at a time!
from then, the day is a haze of activity. a dinner party with my parents, a shred sesh with the aforementioned "nat geo", a long distance "convo" with the woman next to me in which we traded salvos on the solving of world hunger and how to dissipate the world economic crisis. i took in some local news and learned that some jerk in a pickup had dumped hydraulic fluid into elliot bay at myrtle edwards park, home of the ever-important hempfest. though the anchor did not release the name of the perpetrator, i will: it was greg nickels. it could not have been anyone else, except maybe former city attourney tom carr.
along the way, it rained. and was sunny. and windy. and everything in between.
good day!
on that note, i'll attempt to describe my day. it was a whirlwind of activity. starting last night when i partied myself into bed at the late hour of 10.30. exhausted, i tossed and turned for at least five minutes before falling asleep. i then proceeded to sleep for 10 hours straight. upon arrival in the lower reaches of the castle i'm sitting, i took care of business, fed the dog, walked the dog--ah, such fury!--and set about figuring the day. after some consternation about how to establish a beachhead at the buffet, to quote richard russo, i decided upon a nice coffee shop in the "quaint little city" of buckley. (quoting here a letter writer in the enumclaw courier-herald some years back.) the owner brewed up a piquant little decaf raspberry mocha for me and toasted a rambunctious bagel and i set about reading the latest episode of "mountain bike magazine: a supplement to rodale, inc.". it was truly epic.
i exited the shop after slaking my needs and headed for the auto parts mart. in enumclaw, there are two choices: the semi-local franchise of the napa auto parts chain and the utterly corporate "shuck's". being of sound mind and body, i chose the more "local" of the two. i purchased five quarts of 5w-30 at $4.09 (!) a quart and a #1334 oil filter for around 10 bucks and was on my way. at my parents' house i hoisted the hood of the subie and proceeded to change my oil. it's a sometimes dirty task, but satisfying. i also added some "rain-x" washer fluid to my reservoir and slammed the hood on a satisfying morning. for lunch i consumed some ambitious "teriyaki" beef jerky from the local meat shop, which in coincidence only is owned by a neighbour of my parents who also used to supply sodas to the gas station where i once penned my early epics. i then spent a contemplative hour at the local fort of the "les schwab" empire while my brakes were checked (a-ok!) and my winter tires were swapped for summer tires.
while waiting for the gentlemen to perform their sacred car-type duties, i perused the newspaper, a rare pleasure, and learned of taylor mays' disenlightenment with the pete carroll dynasty. mr mays was disappointed that coach carroll had not adequately prepared him for the NFL draft of this weekend; he was taken in the high forties instead of the first two decades of the draft as he had hoped and as coach carroll had assured him he would be taken. the seachickens had apparently drafted at the #14 spot a safety (mr mays' position, natch) from, get this, the university of texas! the horror! now, instead of returning home to roost in glory in his hometown, mr mays must instead prospect for fool's gold in the land of ronnie lott and rice-a-roni. the shame! i also read of danielle lawrie's continued domination of all college sports. i swelled with the pride of knowing that somewhere in montlake, some canadièn is changing the world, one strikeout at a time!
from then, the day is a haze of activity. a dinner party with my parents, a shred sesh with the aforementioned "nat geo", a long distance "convo" with the woman next to me in which we traded salvos on the solving of world hunger and how to dissipate the world economic crisis. i took in some local news and learned that some jerk in a pickup had dumped hydraulic fluid into elliot bay at myrtle edwards park, home of the ever-important hempfest. though the anchor did not release the name of the perpetrator, i will: it was greg nickels. it could not have been anyone else, except maybe former city attourney tom carr.
along the way, it rained. and was sunny. and windy. and everything in between.
good day!
23 April 2010
apparently the drought is over.
i heard it was finally raining in southeast australia. good to know.
so, i'm moving back to ballard for the summer. this is most definitely ('mos def') frightening. i saw all kinda people already, and i ain't even live there. in commemoration, i am writing in the nude, drinking a samuel adams' "old fezziwig" ale, listening to the fridge and wondering what is going on outside. last i checked, it was raining, but that can change with the "quickety-quickness". speaking of the "quickety-quickness", i've noticed some important changes in the "ballardway": wendy is no longer at "cupcake", but rather at aster; i have a new shop manager (read: kinda sorta boss); i am "facebook official", as the woman next to me changed her status from "single" to "in a relationship" and it's raining. . .when i left, it was not raining. not sure what that's about. this "old fezziwig" is pretty darn righteous.
some thoughts, as the woman next to me is in "idaho" (wherever that is) and left her celly in my care--i'd like to say it's cos she trusts me, but really she simply forgot it at the house i'm sitting on her way to the aeroplane--and can't receive texts so my head's jus "chalk" fulla all kinda random shit i gotta get out. (conveniently "bullet perioded".)
.i hate getting out of the shower and immediately farting. feels like i gotta take a hole nother shower.
.qwest claims that "house phones are the next big thing". hm. maybe in steep walled drainages that have "cell block" chicken wire and "anti-satellite" tin foil strewn all about and have towns with names like "potsticker" and "piebald gulch" and "remus' left ventricle".
.spiders freak me out. last night on the way to enumclaw from phinney ditch i saw one on the inside of my windshield and shrieked like a four year old girl. almost broke my hand killing it. made faces at all the drivers on the viaduct. morned the inevitable loss of the viaduct. starting weeping. cursed greg nickels. almost drove off the viaduct in frustration. all because of a spider.
.i really like "b" vitamins. i don't know what their nutritional functions are, but i totally dig peeing that nuclear yellow-green every time i drink an odwalla "blueberry b".
.the elder roommate now has a new volvo. i'm a light shade of green.
.the doggy i'm "sitting" (never mind that she never sits when i ask) poops a lot. i hafta shovel like a heathen in the time of noah tryna bail his hut out.
.zits are funny.
.my beer is empty.
.volvo is a funny word. crazy swedes and their "family tanks".
.eating food when you're naked is awkward.
.i think ima start calling my beard "food velcro". cut out the middleman that way.
.recipe for "Deer Repellant": mix one egg and one cup water. pour into a one qt spray bottle. add one tspoon dish soap, then fill with water. let sit in sun for three days until it's putrefied. one squirt on each plant does it.
.i think ima start tattooing every scar i get. they fade way too quickly. i got a big ring scar on my left calf from september of '05 that you can hardly see anymore! NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!
.and while we're on the subject, i want a flat water kayak.
carry on!
so, i'm moving back to ballard for the summer. this is most definitely ('mos def') frightening. i saw all kinda people already, and i ain't even live there. in commemoration, i am writing in the nude, drinking a samuel adams' "old fezziwig" ale, listening to the fridge and wondering what is going on outside. last i checked, it was raining, but that can change with the "quickety-quickness". speaking of the "quickety-quickness", i've noticed some important changes in the "ballardway": wendy is no longer at "cupcake", but rather at aster; i have a new shop manager (read: kinda sorta boss); i am "facebook official", as the woman next to me changed her status from "single" to "in a relationship" and it's raining. . .when i left, it was not raining. not sure what that's about. this "old fezziwig" is pretty darn righteous.
some thoughts, as the woman next to me is in "idaho" (wherever that is) and left her celly in my care--i'd like to say it's cos she trusts me, but really she simply forgot it at the house i'm sitting on her way to the aeroplane--and can't receive texts so my head's jus "chalk" fulla all kinda random shit i gotta get out. (conveniently "bullet perioded".)
.i hate getting out of the shower and immediately farting. feels like i gotta take a hole nother shower.
.qwest claims that "house phones are the next big thing". hm. maybe in steep walled drainages that have "cell block" chicken wire and "anti-satellite" tin foil strewn all about and have towns with names like "potsticker" and "piebald gulch" and "remus' left ventricle".
.spiders freak me out. last night on the way to enumclaw from phinney ditch i saw one on the inside of my windshield and shrieked like a four year old girl. almost broke my hand killing it. made faces at all the drivers on the viaduct. morned the inevitable loss of the viaduct. starting weeping. cursed greg nickels. almost drove off the viaduct in frustration. all because of a spider.
.i really like "b" vitamins. i don't know what their nutritional functions are, but i totally dig peeing that nuclear yellow-green every time i drink an odwalla "blueberry b".
.the elder roommate now has a new volvo. i'm a light shade of green.
.the doggy i'm "sitting" (never mind that she never sits when i ask) poops a lot. i hafta shovel like a heathen in the time of noah tryna bail his hut out.
.zits are funny.
.my beer is empty.
.volvo is a funny word. crazy swedes and their "family tanks".
.eating food when you're naked is awkward.
.i think ima start calling my beard "food velcro". cut out the middleman that way.
.recipe for "Deer Repellant": mix one egg and one cup water. pour into a one qt spray bottle. add one tspoon dish soap, then fill with water. let sit in sun for three days until it's putrefied. one squirt on each plant does it.
.i think ima start tattooing every scar i get. they fade way too quickly. i got a big ring scar on my left calf from september of '05 that you can hardly see anymore! NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!
.and while we're on the subject, i want a flat water kayak.
carry on!
11 April 2010
clarifications.
hm. . .apparently i thought maggie gyllenhall was "unbelievable". she was not. "less believable as a mother than robin williams as a mother" would be the correct answer.
anyway. i had a buncha stuff to write about, but i've forgot it all. as my father would say, "musta been a lie."
i received a righteous comment today from a fellow crystal mountain denizen: (poorly quoted, but emotionally accurate.) "you always go around with a look on your face like you don't even want anyone to talk to you!" well, D'UH!!!!
i have a confession to make: i hafta go back to the "real world" in just over a week, and i'm ill-prepared. i've been strangely social this winter, even happy, and i ain't sure i have the sheer volume of hate in me it takes to survive a seattle summer. i mean, aside from cursing about seattle in the shop a couple weeks ago and subsequently getting a couple complaints about my language and attitude and one time landing on the salomon america warranty department "shit list" for telling a dude who worked there to "do [his] f*(&^% job" and almost getting a $550 negligent ticket for 59 in a 35 on the boulevard, i've been remarkably calm. i've been to (count em!) THREE potlucks and TWO taco tuesdays, a work dinner and a lot of "olympics parties" and i bought a ticket to the dirtbag ball (lotsa drunk tourists and some REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY drunk locals) and almost attended and, oddly enough, i enjoyed myself all the while. curse you, feminine wiles!!! my carefully crafted walls aren't quite so high anymore!!! HOW DO I ARROGANTLY STARE DOWN MOTORISTS AND FORCE THEM TO DO MY BIDDING WITHOUT (much) QUICKLY ACCESSIBLE ANGER?!?!?!?!?! HUH?!?!?!?!?!!??!!
and since we're alla sudden "conversating", ima add a few sense: "ethically diverse" police forces sound pretty righteous. since the formerly "short-lived" political correctness movement is now in its fourth or fifth decade, why not spread the "luvin"? after the question about "ethnicity" we could answer questions like "do you believe it is 'wrong' to shoot a suspect for having a pierced lip?" and "how many bites from the K-9 unit is enough to subdue a suspect who's 'wilin out'?" we could have quotas: for every two "guileless joe" schlabotniks we could have one sarah "machiavelli" potter. if a brutality complaint was logged, we could hide behind "ethical diversity"; if an officer believes it's okay to throw a fifteen year old girl to the ground and punch the livin $#!@ out of her cos she took her shoe off "aggressively", then sorry, kids, that's the law. can't discriminate against dudes who have no conscience. hiring would involve the top candidates from the "by the book" list as well as the "failed third grade morals" list. if you miss the "good cop" cut, you could always "join the dark side". maybe bribe a few public officials. work your way into a theft ring and then apply for a job to make yourself the ring's "protection". food, at any rate, for thought.
today was my 103rd day of skiing since 11 november. SNOCKA!!! now if i could remember how to tie my shoes. or use a fork.
anyway. i had a buncha stuff to write about, but i've forgot it all. as my father would say, "musta been a lie."
i received a righteous comment today from a fellow crystal mountain denizen: (poorly quoted, but emotionally accurate.) "you always go around with a look on your face like you don't even want anyone to talk to you!" well, D'UH!!!!
i have a confession to make: i hafta go back to the "real world" in just over a week, and i'm ill-prepared. i've been strangely social this winter, even happy, and i ain't sure i have the sheer volume of hate in me it takes to survive a seattle summer. i mean, aside from cursing about seattle in the shop a couple weeks ago and subsequently getting a couple complaints about my language and attitude and one time landing on the salomon america warranty department "shit list" for telling a dude who worked there to "do [his] f*(&^% job" and almost getting a $550 negligent ticket for 59 in a 35 on the boulevard, i've been remarkably calm. i've been to (count em!) THREE potlucks and TWO taco tuesdays, a work dinner and a lot of "olympics parties" and i bought a ticket to the dirtbag ball (lotsa drunk tourists and some REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY drunk locals) and almost attended and, oddly enough, i enjoyed myself all the while. curse you, feminine wiles!!! my carefully crafted walls aren't quite so high anymore!!! HOW DO I ARROGANTLY STARE DOWN MOTORISTS AND FORCE THEM TO DO MY BIDDING WITHOUT (much) QUICKLY ACCESSIBLE ANGER?!?!?!?!?! HUH?!?!?!?!?!!??!!
and since we're alla sudden "conversating", ima add a few sense: "ethically diverse" police forces sound pretty righteous. since the formerly "short-lived" political correctness movement is now in its fourth or fifth decade, why not spread the "luvin"? after the question about "ethnicity" we could answer questions like "do you believe it is 'wrong' to shoot a suspect for having a pierced lip?" and "how many bites from the K-9 unit is enough to subdue a suspect who's 'wilin out'?" we could have quotas: for every two "guileless joe" schlabotniks we could have one sarah "machiavelli" potter. if a brutality complaint was logged, we could hide behind "ethical diversity"; if an officer believes it's okay to throw a fifteen year old girl to the ground and punch the livin $#!@ out of her cos she took her shoe off "aggressively", then sorry, kids, that's the law. can't discriminate against dudes who have no conscience. hiring would involve the top candidates from the "by the book" list as well as the "failed third grade morals" list. if you miss the "good cop" cut, you could always "join the dark side". maybe bribe a few public officials. work your way into a theft ring and then apply for a job to make yourself the ring's "protection". food, at any rate, for thought.
today was my 103rd day of skiing since 11 november. SNOCKA!!! now if i could remember how to tie my shoes. or use a fork.
weighing in on the last post
There is a blind spot in the refrigerator on the bottom shelf at the very back in the middle, where I hide cans of SanPellegrino fizzy lemonade or orangeade so I will be the only one that gets to drink them. Lately, when I do it, I think "TRUE: I am not laying on my back in my chair on the floor laughing all by myself...." and I do not know if I am jealous or not.
09 April 2010
Depends on how you look at it,
your membership in this Hermit Club, that is.
There are times when it's a good thing; when no one is around to notice that you've eaten more of the Starbucks Frappaccino Chip ice cream than you'd meant to. Or when you left dirty dishes in the sink till morning. Yuk!
But then it's not always so great either. Like when I plopped into my big easy chair and it v-e-r-r-r-r-y slowly tipped over backwards, and there I was, feet in the air like a turned-over-turtle, laughing foolishly and wishing there'd been someone to witness it, to take a picture to put on the fridge with all the other nonsense on the door.
Like the time I heard something on the roof ? ? ? overnight, and had to just turn over and say "Oh, well. . . "
Like last week when I heard a bit on the local news about our police, and the reporter said we really needed a more "ethically diverse" force. Now THAT'S a thought! (And no one to share my awe of it!)
There are times when it's a good thing; when no one is around to notice that you've eaten more of the Starbucks Frappaccino Chip ice cream than you'd meant to. Or when you left dirty dishes in the sink till morning. Yuk!
But then it's not always so great either. Like when I plopped into my big easy chair and it v-e-r-r-r-r-y slowly tipped over backwards, and there I was, feet in the air like a turned-over-turtle, laughing foolishly and wishing there'd been someone to witness it, to take a picture to put on the fridge with all the other nonsense on the door.
Like the time I heard something on the roof ? ? ? overnight, and had to just turn over and say "Oh, well. . . "
Like last week when I heard a bit on the local news about our police, and the reporter said we really needed a more "ethically diverse" force. Now THAT'S a thought! (And no one to share my awe of it!)
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